Storytime
The moment I knew my marriage was over was the moment my first husband took my breath away.
Our couples therapist had given him the homework to decide if he still wanted to be married, or if he wanted to go be a monk (yup, you read that right…a monk). When he refused to attend the next session, I posed the question to him directly.
“Do you want to be married, or do you want to be a monk?” I asked.
“I’m trying to figure out a way out,” he whispered.
“If you want out, then just get out.”
“Fuck you.”
“Get out.”
“FUCK YOU!”
“GET OUT!”
Then, he pushed me over a chair onto the floor and hovered over me, daggers spitting from his eyes. I felt giant icicles penetrate deep beneath my rib cage, deflating my lungs and puncturing my heart over and over again.
He’d never used the f-word against me before.
He’d never used physical force against me before.
I’d never lost my breath like this before.
Time stood still.
I laid there on the floor.
Staring up at him.
Not breathing.
He didn’t sucker punch me to the gut to knock the wind out of me. I wasn’t having a panic attack. I just momentarily lost the ability to breathe. I couldn’t exhale, or inhale.
Everything just. . . stopped.
I’ll never forget the red tone of his face, the ferocity in his eyes, and the deafening silence. It was like my ears just turned off. Complete silence.
When I closed my eyes to shut him out, breath returned. A decade of yoga training, and a lifetime of survival instinct worked together to flip an auto-pilot switch in my brain. I took a long slow deep breath.
Clarity.
I stood up, looked him right in they eye and softly said gently, ”Get out, or I will call the cops and have you arrested for assault.”
I kept breathing, long slow deep breaths.
He left.
Lesson
My breath has NEVER let me down. NEVER.
My Breath will never leave me to go be a monk.
My Breath will never say “fuck you” at me (unless I tell it to).
My Breath will never throw me over a chair and stare menacingly at me.
Breath has ALWAYS been there for me:
Breath wakes me every morning, and puts me to sleep every night.
Breath soothes my worst pains, and softens my most tender moments.
Breath pulls me out of panic, and pushes me towards joy.
Breath took my pain away when I got hit by a truck as a pedestrian.
Breath helped me smell my baby nephew’s head the first time I held him.
Breath grieved with me when I said goodbye to my Grandmother on her deathbed.
Every single time I take a deep breath, it serves me up with a heaping helping of better everything on a silver platter with a few daisies and roses in a crystal bud vase.
Homework
In order for BREATH to show up for you when you aren’t able to show up for yourself, you need to establish a steady-eddy relationship with it. Breath is like a puppy who expects a treat after performing every trick. It appreciates consistency and discipline. If you work with it when you don’t need it to “behave” it will SHOW UP in all the big and beautiful ways when you need it most.
If you want to learn the best training practice to Go Steady with Your Breath, a way to Even Steven your way to Steady-Ready-ness with your breath, become a paid subscriber and take my BREATHE Mini-Course. It’s only $5.55/month or $55.55/year, and you get all kinds of other mini-courses too.
This Month on The Mindfulness Coach
My free subscribers will get a series of four articles about why deeper natural breathing is so important, what it does for you, and how it works in your body.
August 6 - Breathing Your Way To Better Health Really 🫁 Sucks
Learn how oxygen vacuums up all the junk in your trunks.
August 13 - Tired? Free Air Works Better Than A $5.00 ☕Coffee
If you’ve never scored 90% on anything, here’s your chance at a do-over.
August 20 - Reclaim Your Life With A Short Trip Through 🪐 Space
Nothing adds more space to your body and your life than oxygen.
August 27 - Go “Steady” with Your Breath
It’s a relationship you want to stay in.
Re-Learn How To Breathe Like a Baby - And Make EVERYTHING Better.
(for paid subscribers)
This month I’ll be offering step-by-step 🎥 video instructions on how to train your body to breathe better. If you practice these simple exercises throughout the month, by the end of the month, you will have trained your body to breathe better as your natural every day breath. The benefits are limitless.
Step #1 - Your Diaphragm is Your Parachute to a Better Place
Step #4 - Even-Steven your way to Steady-Ready-ness with your Breath
Don’t Like Mini-Courses?
Try a Private Session.
If you are a chronic breath holder, or online video courses aren’t your jam…I can teach you personally. Let’s get your brain talking to your body and get your lungs remembering how to do their full jobs.
Such a powerful story. My heart hurts for you, but what a protection your breath gave you by momentarily leaving your body. It made everything so clear. It really is the most spectacular messenger and savior. I’m so glad he got out, and that you’re here to share your stories of transformation and empowerment through breathwork meditation and yoga. It’s such a gift. 💝
Wow, Teri, this story is incredibly powerful. Your honesty about such a vulnerable moment is truly inspiring. It's a stark reminder of how our bodies react in times of extreme stress, and how the simple act of breathing can become an anchor. Your journey with breathwork is a testament to its transformative power. Thank you for sharing this deeply personal experience and reminding us all to go "steady" with our breath.