Imposter Syndrome Sucker š„ Punch to the GUT
How I trick myself into feeling confident in uncomfortable situations.
Storytime
It was my turn to practice teachā¦
Ten eager and supportive yogis lined up in the middle of the room.
75 budding yoga teachers in chairs surrounding the ten mats. All watching me, intimidatingly scrutinizing everything about me, trained and ready to give me āhonest and authentic feedbackā which was code for āthe hard salty truth.ā
My teacher and his entourage, propped up on a make-shift throne, a head above the rest, with that mischievous grin on his face. He took great pleasure in the ābreakdown to breakthroughā.
I started teaching.
Up dog. Down dog. Left Foot Forward. Warrior one. Breathe.
I lost my voice, stumbled on my next words.
so my teacher took over for meā¦
āUP DOG!ā he ordered.
The ten yogis complied with his demand, awkwardly dropping from warrior one to the floor and into upward dog. If Iād said what he said, they wouldāve dropped their warrior arms and looked at me dumbfounded. But for him, taking over my class, they complied without question.
He continued to bark orders, linking poses together in sequences that made no physical senseā¦tree pose (one-legged balance), half pigeon (laying on your back), crow pose (balancing on two hands) and they followed, doing stupid stunts like happy little robots.
Imposter Syndrome sucker punched me in the gut.
The wind was knocked out of me.
Who did I think I was, trying to be a yoga teacher??
As I caught my breath a moment later, I realized that I had two choices.
Surrender
Give āem all a taste of my F-Ire.
If I surrendered, I knew Iād be forced to stand on the āmagic carpetā and listen as people told me that I sounded weak, that I lacked self-confidence, that I failed to take command of my class. Iād already watched that scenario play out with the classmates who went before me. All of them ended their mini-practice training session in tears as they were told their energy felt fake and forcedā¦breakdownā¦still waiting for their breakthroughs to happen.
I wasnāt going there.
Taste of F*ing-Ire it was.
I stomped my feet into the ground.
STOMP STOMP
āI AM IN CONTROL!ā I thought to myself.
I placed my hands on my gut, and let the fire rise from the soles of my feet all the way up my insides to my throat and out of my mouth.
I donāt remember what came out of my mouth,
except that it felt like dragonās breath.
A few poses later, my teacher - back on his throne - started a slow clap, and the rest of the room erupted into applause, woots and hollers - a standing ovation.
Lesson
How to Stand Up and Be Heard
Essentially, what happened in this little episode was that I was being boring, so my teacher came up and said ālook, over here, this is more interesting.ā
I needed to take control of myself (be bold) in order to take control of my class.
And then I needed to make them want to listen to me (be heard).
What Iāve since come to learn and know is that the forceful STOMP STOMP (my inner pissed-off-bitch having a mini temper tantrum) followed by a systematic alignment of the posture and energies in my body from my feet to my throat was key to taking control of an uncomfortable (impossible) situation and letting my dragon breath out.
The magick of this level of bold audacity taking over was that it only took a few seconds. Everything inside me changed, which in turn changed the energy of the entire room of nearly 100 people.
Behind this wall is a simple 3-step process (it takes 10-seconds) and a 2-minute how-to video. I use this exercise in any number of situationsā¦below are a few examples:
when someone asks you to do something and you need to say NO
when someone peer pressures you to do something you donāt want to do
when someone talks over you
when you feel insecure (such as just before giving a speech)
when you feel like someone isnāt listening to what you are trying to say
when youāve been repeatedly interrupted
when youāve said NO several times and are still feeling pressure