This Month on Mindfulness Substack
To Boldly Go…
Are you going through something really intense?
Does it make you feel stuck in a never-ending pattern that feels like a downward spiral to nowhere good?
You know you can’t keep doing what you’ve been doing.
But you don’t know how to do anything else.
You need something to shift, change, evolve, transform.
But you don’t know how to make that happen.
But you feel tied and bound by
🔁 your automatic habits
🧬 your genetic conditioning
👵 your ancestral trauma
😑 your unconscious beliefs
😒 your self limiting beliefs
You KNOW you need to do something drastic to make that shift.
But you don’t have the oomph, energy, drive, or know-how.
You know that if you could just make that BOLD MOVE
everything could shift.
You know you have it in you.
You’ve overcome things like this before.
You remember that deep inside you is a BOLD and AUDACIOUS version of yourself who wants to TAKE ACTION!
It’s time to activate your AUDACIOUS BOLD CONFIDENT SELF!
It takes audacity to go through an intense experience.
It takes audacity to persevere.
It takes audacity to change your mindset, to believe DIFFERENT.
It takes audacity to walk the road less traveled by your prior self.
Here on Substack, I’ll be writing all month about little mindful things you can do to help yourself be bold, be daring, and wake up your AUDACIOUS SELF.
What intense experience do you need to break free from?
What AUDACIOUS moves do you want to take this April?
Storytime
A few weeks ago, I was in a BAD STATE, so I did something BOLD.
My teenage self would’ve called it stupid.
But this 50-year-old self is feeling into it as downright AUDACIOUS.
And it is 100% totally out of my character.
So much so, that I feel really sheepish, shy, and timid about writing it here.
[whispering] I had a psychedelic journey [whispering]
I was the high school kid who looked at the “druggies” with a severely judgmental side-eye. I spent my weekends volunteering for SADD, driving drunk kids in my class home from the parties I wasn’t invited to attend. I watched both my brothers get lectured at the kitchen table for *experimenting* and I vowed never to ever EVER *disappoint* my parents like that. (sorry Mom…times have changed…and so have I).
Okay. Okay. I’ll stop being sheepish. I’ll say it out loud.
I took psychedelics!
(turns out, my home state of Minnesota has a task-force to investigate the mental health benefits of psychedelics, and may become the third state to legalize psychedelics in some form. )
And that’s precisely why I took it.
For the mental health benefits.
Why I needed the *trip*
A bit of back-story, with a twist of irony.
This fall, I learned that I am one of the rare individuals who is actually verifiably allergic to cannabis. I was repeatedly exposed (unknowingly, and against my will, by someone using in my presence while I was asleep) to second hand marijuana smoke and second hand vape, and it made me sick. Very sick. I’m talking physical symptoms: jitters, migraines, asthma, nonstop coughing, nervous system dysfunction, brain fog, cognitive challenges, and interference with my executive function.
My sensitivities increased to unbearable levels. Hyperacusis, the sensitivity to sound, became so acute that I could barely stand to go in public. Sitting at a restaurant, I flinched at the sound of every dish hitting the bussing-tray. I became so tuned into the barking of my neighbor’s dog, two doors down, that I cried at every bark.
I suffered for MONTHS after I removed myself from exposure.
Just when I thought the worst was over, the emotional symptoms started: paranoia, insecurity, scarcity, depression, anxiety, fear, despair.
I didn’t understand it.
These kinds of thoughts were NOT ME.
I live a GREAT life. I’m HAPPY.
But I wasn’t…happy.
Hobbit looked at me in utter confusion. He didn’t recognize me.
And I talked to myself in the third person, as if I was not me.
At first I thought, “is this perimenopause? Will I have to deal with these emotions for the next several years?”
But I didn’t buy the “old woman” theory. Menopause is a natural part of aging, and what was happening didn’t feel natural. I’m too in tune with my body and my cycles to know. This was different than hormones. If it were menopause, my mindfulness practices would manage it.
This felt foreign.
It was the cannabis, and the vape.
It felt chemical. Toxic.
The world of psychedelic plant medicines danced around me for two years.
I spent the whole year of 2022 in a business mastermind group comprised of mostly psychedelic integration coaches.
I spent 2023 in an herbalism apprenticeship led by a cannabis nurse who now works in America’s first legal psilocybin therapy clinic. (talk about irony)
Psychedelics are known to successfully treat mental health issues and they work on a spiritual-energetic level. Many of the psychedelic coaches I knew worked in shaman circles.
I’m a shaman, and I believe deeply in the integration of spirituality with emotional and physical healing.
For two years, I felt like psychedelics were DARING me to try.
My 13-year-old self revolted.
My 16-year-old self dared me.
Out of complete desperation one night - my 50 year old self - after a particularly dark and abysmal day of moody moods and feely feels…listened to the dare.
Lesson
My *trip* was beautiful, and very difficult.
We established a safe space with a stone grid.
We opened the sacred space.
We called in the ancestors.
We offered ash and water and sage.
We set intentions and spoke prayers.
And ingested the medicine.
Hobbit told me he experiences more of a gentle glide into another world of awareness. A soft transportation.
I didn’t get that kind of trip.
Of course, I never do things the *normal* way.
Sidenote - I need qualify here that I am WEIRD. This is not typical for a psychedelic trip. Physical sensations and effects are not “normal”…but I’m not normal. Never have been.
It started with my 😬 teeth chattering.
And not just a little.
And it HURT.
Imagine the bone ache you might feel if your teeth chattering penetrated to the soft marrow of your bones. My whole body ached at the bone marrow level.
My feet, my legs, my hands, my arms, my torso - all of me quivered at the same intensity and rate of the teeth chattering. And it HURT. Emotionally, physically, energetically…everything hurt.
Hobbit just held me, reminding me that I’m okay.
He just kept saying “you are blessed, you are SO BLESSED.”
Never in my life have I felt that supported, that held, that nurtured, that unconditionally loved while going through something intense.
It was okay to be not okay.
We gradually emerged out of the trip.
We started talking.
Sparkly words slippered their way out of our mouths,
affirming the abundant effervescent kaleidoscopic blessings of our life together.
Gradually, over the next week, all parts of me just, well, settled.
Everything, both inside me and around me, settled into a state of BLESSING.
I started noticing with more awareness the blessings abundantly around me.
Yet, I didn’t feel this manic level of joy or euphoria. Rather it was this gentle state of ease.
Grace.
I had always known that this level of peace was possible. I’d tasted in bits and pieces throughout my life. I touched it in moments on my yoga mat. I absorbed it days at a time during my shamanic training.
In the weeks following my psychedelic trip, I knew this was different from my yoga and shaman “enlightenments”. It wasn’t just a temporary taste of bliss. This is long-lasting, soul-enduring, life-affirming CONTENTMENT.
Santosha.
In the weeks that have followed, I’ve been more disciplined, more diligent, and more dedicated to my mindfulness practices. Not because I feel I have to be, but because I ENJOY them more. I’m more in tune with life, and living more present in the moment.
The mindful practices are the real medicine, and that without them, the psychedelic magick wouldn’t last. They are what help my system to remember the power that was activated in the psychedelic journey.
Writing this post was a vulnerable stretch for me.
Coming out like this is more raw than I usually let myself be (and as you all know, I’m pretty darn good at being raw).
Even so, to write this required as much (or more) AUDACITY than it took to actually swallow the plant medicine.
And that’s why this month of April 2024, my focus is on the concept of AUDACITY.
A Change in My Substack Format
After three months of posting weekly, I discovered that I have a lot more to share and write and teach than I can jam into 4 articles.
Instead of one long-form article each week, I’ll be writing four short-form posts each week. Each one will be about a 4-5 minute read.
Choose Your Own Adventure
You can go into your settings on Substack (or click the unsubscribe button in the footer of any email I send) and select which day(s) of the week (sections) you want to receive posts in your inbox. Don’t worry, if you opt out of emails, you can always go online or on the Substack app and find all my posts there.
MONDAYS - 10-30 Second Mindfulness Exercises
TUESDAYS - Simple Body Posture & Movement Lessons
WEDNESDAYS - 5-Minute Mindful Yoga Sequences (they are easy-peasy)
THURSDAYS - Short Chakra Balancing Tips & Tricks
Recent Podcasts
April 2024 Upcoming Events
Let’s Connect.
If you are interested in a psychedelic healing journey, I have a whole network of psychedelic integration coaches with various areas of expertise (death doula, religious trauma specialist, addiction recovery, etc). I can refer to you. Hit reply to this email and let me know what you’re seeking. I can point you in the right direction.
If you are interested in a personalized approach to a mindful practice to support you in stepping into your own AUDACITY, book an initial consult with me.
Until next time - Stay Mindful,
TeriLeigh